The secret to throwing a successful High Tea Party is inviting people who are hilarious, tell good stories, enjoy infused foods and hopefully carry lots of cash. I don’t know how much money Lorien Vidal has on her at any given time but I DO know she is funny and snarky as hell and apparently makes a killer infused Gluten Free Blondie Brownie.
She shares with us a funny, true story about her own infused experiences – make certain to read on to the great recipe at the end. Thank you Lorien for sharing!!
PARTY LIKE A “BLOCK” STAR(!?)
You all probably don’t know me. I’m a certified snarkaholic employed as the world’s “worst” Rogue Secretary . I’m also a fairly snazzy dresser, a part-time grammar Nazi and a passionate writer. I may not be a wiz at party- planning (or Administrative Assistant-ing) and I’m definitely not a gourmet chef but it is so much fun experimenting in the arts of paleo, GF cooking; sangria-mixing and finding ways to imbibe my “healthy greens” without any carcinogenic aftertaste.
So I came here to Mendolicious and really love what Mary & Jane have done with the place. This is such a friendly, suggestion treasure-trove for throwing the ultimate High Tea party with all the best ingredients – great recipes, fun suggestions, useful trivia about Uncle Sam and his love/hate relationship with the “Devil’s Harvest” and some outrageous anecdotes (maybe a couple by yours truly) from inside the lava-lamp.
Despite not being half the (individually) skilled High Tea party-hostesses these two are, I do know from experience that you can’t have a High Tea if your significant other isn’t on board.
A few short years ago, to make completely sure that I wasn’t misreading my husband’s 420- friendly cues, including:
- Tales of his college tv-room shenanigans passing a joint around the before dental tech class; resulting in all participants cracking up at the Russian professor’s accented pronunciation of “ca-NINES”
- Getting free skunky swag during many a DJ-gig at the Breakfast Club in NYC
- Smoky skiers hiding out around a lodge in PA during regular weekend trips to the slopes with his friends
- A general “no problem/why-not?” attitude towards a good friend of mine at a smoke-it- if-you-have-it New Years’ Eve party
- Offering to contact his former boss to get us some fairly recently,
I made doubly sure-sure to ask him before making a fun proposition concerning the Mari-J I planned to procure for his birthday. His reply:
“Hell yeah! I’ll smoke it if you got it!”
So a Brooklyn friend of mine hooked me up with a half-ounce each of regs and “Agent Orange”, aka “good shit” the likes of which I’d never dreamed of (according to the friend but it was somewhat less impressive than its rep for orange-y goodness and uplifting whatever).
I will let you in on what I am also not – a regular toker. Sure I dabbled – stole from my dad’s stash when I was a teenager; hung out with pothead friends after work and took what was
offered to me in my 20s & 30s (of course I offered to pay! Mooching is so passé).
But 10 years in at the house in “Upstate NY” (fuck you, city-flakes! We are not that far north!) and I still have NO FRIGGIN’ IDEA where in the SEVENHELLS the local “weed spot” is.
I Was recently tempted to ask my son where his friend gets it but, even though he’s 23 (aka the all-important LEGAL AGE), it brings out an uncharacteristically paranoid (no, really – not even a little bit high) idea that once cling-on son knows where the stash is he might be even LESS inclined to leave the house. That is a NO, just NO to the 3rd power…
But I digress – my plan was to make some of my delicious gluten-free blondies for hubby’s birthday (don’t judge! They’re absolutely awesome!) using cannabis-infused butter. I Googled instructions (this is why I’m SO stoked to purchase the cookbook – from these fine ladies at Mendolicious) on how to lace the butter with the green-as-a-spring- meadow regs.
Several hours later and, voila! Canna-blondies! Perfect birthday chillaxing, complete with copious flexing of rigorous and invigorating conversation including absolutely nothing about cars that run on water, ensues. Nothing too crazy – they weren’t made to be that strong… hubby claimed to barely feel the effects until after eating “just one more” blondie.
About a week later, I rolled one up using the “Orange” and brought it down to share with him. Much to my dismay… *Cue stereotypical, commonly-used deflation sound-effect purported to enlighten the dimwitted to boner-killer scenes on the big-screen*.
He may have said nothing but the mood-change was palpable. He took a few token (ha ha) tokes just to be cool. I wound up taking a few more drags than he did before putting it out and storing that sucker for later (YES! I save them – are you kidding me!? I’d probably fall over and sleep the day away if I smoked a whole one by myself!).
I tried to engage the hubs maybe once or twice more with diminishing success. After all the asking and the prepping and the getting, he just didn’t really seem as into it as I was anymore. To throw even more of a wet-blanket on my buzz, he voiced displeasure with my plan to buy a small vape to cut down on the inhaled lung-Sharpies (seriously – look at the lungs in a stoner’s chest x-ray).
I hid the purchase from him because he mysteriously became kind of a blocker/buzz kill.
What finally earned him the title of “Huffy the Buzz-Fire Slayer” was the night he witnessed me cuddling a soft, French terry-covered throw pillow I’d kidnapped from the sofa downstairs & snuck back up to bed and he scolded me to “stop smoking that weed”.
And now, ladies & gentlemen, he’s a propagandist PSA from the wonder years.
Apparently, I am suddenly that one your mother warned you about…
So he said he would “smoke it if I got it”; until I actually got it. It appears I may have been underestimated… or maybe his chill- like-dat factor was overestimated.
It’s around 3 years later and I’ve completely resorted to toking or vaping with the shower running and the bathroom window open. I brush my teeth and rinse with my favorite IF-IT- BURNS-ITS-WORKING mouthwash, wondering how many times I actually washed my hair, before finally descending the stairs with an angelic, ethereal grace to settle down with a graceful glass of red wine.
Not sure if he knows what the deal is but what fun to make him wonder! What is also fun? – witnessing his obvious frustration trying to tickle my normally super-sensitive feet. It’s fun because hubby’s a foot-guy and shouldn’t foot-guys definitely put some Kush up in it!?
Gluten-Free Blondies Recipe
(adapted from Eating Well)
1/4 cup unsalted MendoLicious butter, softened ( *Coconut oil also works)
3/4 cup smooth or crunchy natural almond butter
2 large eggs
3/4 cup packed light brown sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
3/4 cup quinoa flour (see Tip)*
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 cup semisweet chocolate chips
Preheat oven to 350°F.
Line an 8-inch-square baking pan with parchment paper (or foil), allowing it to slightly overhang opposite ends. Coat with cooking spray.
Beat butter and almond butter in a mixing bowl with an electric mixer until creamy. Beat in eggs, brown sugar and vanilla. Whisk quinoa flour, baking powder and salt in a small bowl. Mix the flour mixture into the wet ingredients until just combined. Stir in chocolate chips. Spread the batter evenly into the prepared pan.
Bake until a toothpick inserted into the center comes out with just a few moist crumbs on it, 25 to 35 minutes. Do not overbake. Let cool in the pan for 45 minutes. Using the parchment (or foil), lift the whole panful out and transfer to a cutting board. Cut into 24 squares. Let cool completely before storing.
*Tips & Notes Make Ahead Tip: Store airtight in the refrigerator for up to 5 days. Look for quinoa flour in the baking section or near gluten-free flours in natural foods stores. Or, to make your own, grind whole grains of quinoa into a powder in a clean coffee grinder.
Be sure to check out L. Vidal at WTF Elsewhere for snarky insights, wisdom and weirdness!